Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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