I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
