Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
