im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
