Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
