I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
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