This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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