Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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