Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
