This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
zippers are such a cool invention
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
