I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
