i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
