I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
