Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
