Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
