It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
