we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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