and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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