Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
