Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
