I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
