dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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