I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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