Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
