I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
