If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
