but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
