So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
