i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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