I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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