My brain says no but my pants say off.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
