she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
