I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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