I wish I only lived at night.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
