Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
