I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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