i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
