Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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