The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Four minutes until I can fart!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
