apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
love makes seman taste better
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have aggressive nipples.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
