i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
