This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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