there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
