I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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