you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
