Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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