I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
