I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
