Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
