Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
