someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
